When you’re young and in love, all you can think about is spending time with your partner doing different things. You’re excited about date nights, movie nights, and romantic trips. They can take you anywhere, even a cheap fast-food restaurant, and you’ll feel special.
But give it a few months or years, and the honeymoon stage will wear off. The quirks of your partner you once thought were cute would start to bug you. The odd habits they have will now bother you. And then you’ll fall out of love, claiming that they’ve changed.
In reality, chances are they didn’t change at all. You’ve just become comfortable with each other, enough to show your true colors to one another. This will kill the romance if you’ve loved an idealized version of your partner this whole time.
Then you will move on and repeat the cycle. It won’t stop until you realize that relationships aren’t supposed to stay in the honeymoon stage.
If you want a long-lasting, committed relationship, unlearn your notions about romance. It’s not a fairy tale, where you’d stay in love and happy all the time. There would be challenges, disagreements, and moments when you can’t even be in the same room as your partner in real life. These are all normal and not the end of your love.
To avoid getting stuck in the cycle of falling in and out of love, talk about these unromantic topics. It will strengthen not just your love, but your friendship:
It’s hard to talk about health when you and your partner often indulge in calorie-heavy dates. But if you want to marry eventually, you need to find out each other’s family health histories.
Talking about health will help you determine the health risks your future kids might have. It will also let you know what diseases you yourselves might develop in the future. If type 2 diabetes runs in the blood of your partner’s family, they might get it, too. Are you prepared for the consequences of that?
Furthermore, health discussions create opportunities to disclose any diagnoses. It will tear down any walls that disease has built between you and your partner. If your partner is a good one, they will help you overcome your condition. Alternatively, if you’re a good partner, you’ll also support your sick partner throughout their healing journey.
If you need help indisclosing a health condition, therapy will help. Harboring the secret for an extended period can affect your trust in each other.
2. Food Choices
Tied with health is food choices. Unhealthy food choices can increase your risks for diseases you don’t have a family history of. Moreover, if you’ll live together, you need a grocery list you can agree on. Otherwise, expect higher food bills.
Talking about food is also a way to address your general health. What if you want a healthy diet, and your partner doesn’t? Or, what if you’ve always been healthy, but your partner’s influence made you abandon your diet? Relationships have a strong impact on food choices. If one of you decides to address that impact, but the other doesn’t participate, things can go downhill fast.
The only way to prevent the worst is to set boundaries. For instance, you want to be vegan, and your partner doesn’t respect their choice just as they respect yours. Don’t be pushy or preachy. Ultimately, we’re the ones who decide what’s best for ourselves, so avoid pushing your ideals on your partner.
Financial problems are one of the most common marriage killers. Hence, before getting married, start talking about money.
At best, you and your partner are on the same page regarding finances. That’s one of the secrets to a long-lasting, happy relationship. If you have yet to find a partner with the same money views as you, consider turning to pro matchmakers. Executive professional matchmakers pair their clients based on unromantic factors, including financial standpoints. They’ll help you find someone with the same values and life perspective as you.
If you’re already in a relationship, let the topic come to your conversations naturally. But if things are getting serious, being franker may be better. You need to know their principles about money before taking joint obligations, like buying a house. If you find out they’re a spendthrift, ask them if they’re willing to change. Likewise, ask a cheapskate where they draw the line. While you don’t need to have exactly the same financial attitudes, you need to meet halfway, at least.
Addressing these issues early in your relationship can strengthen your bond and reinforce your trust in one another. Remember that the goal of these topics isn’t to judge but to make things work better in your relationship.