When I think back in time to my sexual education it amounted to a few glances at my father’s Penthouse magazines. I was shocked to realize that one day I would look like that – perhaps even make Miss May or July. Though I never did secure the cover of Bob Guccione’s tribute to the male organ, I finally got more educated through awkward experience. It grew worse as I traveled. What do men want? What do I want? How to tackle the signals and raging desires that can sweep you into a sexy, Argentinean’s bed? North America is one of the few cultures that lack initiation rites on sex and love for women. While I counsel young women on bravery, itineraries and packing items, the dearth of information on sexual behaviour abroad is astounding. As much as travel can create a kind of emancipation for women ages 18 to 25, it can also be mired in confusion when it comes to attraction. Will Peach, the sassy creator of TravelSexLife, will now step in to offer some insight into the male mind. And no, it’s not spineless of me to forgo the task, Will is the Dan Savage of the travel blogging world (but he’s straight ladies, so what are you waiting for?).
As a young, rather inexperienced male, being asked to offer up sex tips for a website was never going to be easy. But compound that with being asked to write on the subject for Nomadic Chick, and well, things suddenly become a lot trickier. The legion of young adult females that read this blog? Far more qualified than me to be dispersing advice of this nature. At least that’s what every young traveling male likes to think anyway!
Yet instead of copping out completely, I’m going to give it a crack. As a guy that heads up a site dedicated to sex abroad, this seems like the kind of thing I should be doing anyway – even if most of my contributors are young independent women much like yourselves.
So, that being said, where is a good point for a guy to dive in and start offering up advice to a species (women) that still remain to him, for the large part, a mystery? The working mind of a sexually active traveler. That’s where.
Don’t Repress Your Desires: They’re Fundamental to the Experience
Instead of making this all about my own sexual urges (I don’t want to repel you), I’ll try and do this as generally as possible. I’ll start by saying this: both sexes are just as horny as each other abroad. Instead of fighting it, learn to embrace it.
Sex, just as it is in life, is important. When you travel, all that excitement of being in a new place, having new people to interact with, is bound to accentuate your feelings and bring up urges or thoughts that maybe you didn’t have too many of back home. The nature of travel – and having the opportunity of being somewhere different every day of the week – means that sex (and potential sexual partners) suddenly become a whole lot more interesting.
As humans (regardless of gender) we shouldn’t suppress these desires. Exploring and learning more about ourselves, one of the most fundamental wishes of any traveler, is just as physical as it is mental. Having a one-night stand abroad (or even sleeping with a fellow traveler in a hostel) doesn’t make you filthy, dirty or a slag. It makes you human.
Don’t let the attitudes of the people and places you’ve left behind hold you back from doing what you really want.
Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should
Now that I’ve finished my call to arms in encouraging people to embrace sex abroad and to stop looking so disparagingly at it, I also have to pay attention to the other side of the scale.
Being a male traveler, and speaking with hundreds of others, I do believe there’s a certain level of expectation among us (the appendage-equipped) to engage in sexual practices abroad. What does this spell for women? Perhaps a certain level of pushiness, perhaps a stronger level of perseverance that they might not be accustomed to back home.
Just as a woman feels liberated abroad, so does a man. Put in to the bargain the loosening of sexual attitudes and the increasing excitement of being somewhere new, and what results can sometimes be something of a sexual powder keg. Just because the opportunity of having crazy, exciting sex is there, that doesn’t always mean you should always take it.
Travel should never pressure you to put yourself into uncomfortable situations unwillingly. The final decision always rests with you.
The Best Expectations Are To Have No Expectations
If you’re thinking that travel sex will be the most mind-blowing experience of your life, think again. It’s sex. It always depends on the other half you’re doing it with. It always depends on factors external to you.
Obviously the logistics of travel spell that you often have to be a lot more creative when it comes to choosing places to have sex abroad. But just as you explore outdoor options, unchartered corners of hostels or heaven knows what other places to get laid, don’t always presume that the outcome will be as exciting as the lead-up.
Five minutes of rumpy-pumpy from the hot, drunken American boy might be all that he can muster when push comes to shove.
Forego the Partner Altogether: Embrace Masturbation
Having already run the risk prematurely in this article in suggesting that sex is only a valid experience for a woman if it is with another partner, I’m keen to talk a little bit on the topic of masturbation.
Social mores of society, on the issue of self-pleasuring, differ depending on where you grew up or last lived. Just as you perhaps thought a little differently about sex before you left home, maybe should start looking at masturbation on similar terms.
Tricky in a dorm room yes, worth a shot in a private hotel room? Hell yes! How do you think guys who travel committed to partners back home get through it?
What A Guy Really Wants
Practical advice aside, let’s get down to the nitty gritty. What do guys really want you to do when it comes down to sex abroad? I asked a few fellow travellers their thoughts and here’s what seemed to be of most importance.
- Confidentiality and trust: no risk that those they enjoy a good time with broadcast it for all and sundry (including, in some cases, girlfriends/boyfriends back home) to know.
- Takes precautions: the general onus is that most guys are prepared to wear condoms but would also prefer that the woman takes some measure of precaution also.
- Be open to having sex outside of a bedroom: I’m not sure how girls feel about bathroom or al fresco sex, but the guys I spoke to underlined it as something imperative.
- Not be awkward or expect the same to happen again: it seems these guys aren’t into the idea of a blossoming romance.
- Be clean: aside from the obvious chance of contracting an STD, all the guys I spoke to also said they’d be majorly turned off by girls who aren’t taking care of themselves in the hygiene department too. [Will - this applies to guys too, right?]
Aside from that though, it appears traveling men aren’t a particular fussy lot. So, if you’re indeed looking to explore your sexual boundaries abroad, rest assure that it needed be too difficult to find. Just make sure it’s you that wants it!
Photo: Russ Robinson