Today’s guest post is by Gray Cargill of Solo Friendly. As an outgoing solo traveler, it never occurred to me that there are different kinds of solo travelers. Isn’t there only one type? Nor that I had something to learn about going it alone. Gray reminded me, there’s always something new to learn.
So you’ve finally decided to fulfill your lifelong dream of traveling around the world, even though you have to go solo. While you’re busy handling the logistics of your trip–saving money, booking travel arrangements, getting vaccinations, and learning basic phrases in several languages–don’t forget there’s another aspect of your trip you should be preparing for ahead of time: Being alone. Sure, you’ll meet people and make friends on your journey, so you won’t be alone the entire time, but there will be days when you are. Are you ready for them?
The issues you have regarding your solitude will depend on whether you are an introvert or an extrovert. How do you know which one you are? Imagine you run on a battery that is fully charged at the beginning of each day. An introvert’s battery is drained when she is around other people (especially strangers); it is recharged when she alone with her thoughts. An extrovert’s battery is drained when she is alone, but recharged when she is around other people. Both introverts and extroverts can be shy, and both can get lonely. But there are some things you can do prior to your trip to prepare yourself for those long, solo days of round-the-world (RTW) travel. Here are a few tips.
For Introverts
1. Talking to Strangers is Good
Since you’re traveling solo, those of you who are shy can’t rely on your extroverted friend to talk to locals when you need information. You need to get used to approaching strangers yourself. Practice at home by chatting people up in the line at the grocery store, on the bus, at a coffee shop, or at an event. If you don’t know what to say, talk about the weather, ask for the time, ask for directions, anything to get used to talking to strangers. Always do it with a smile.
2. Forge Short, But Satisfying
I know you introverts prefer depth over breadth when it comes to friendships, so you’ve probably had the same core group of friends for a long time. But when you’re only in a city for 3 or 4 days, you need to make short-term friendships unless you truly want to be alone for the next year of your life. Practice by volunteering for a nonprofit event or joining a hobby group where you don’t know anyone. At the very least, you’ll get more comfortable being around new people. Be assertive about getting to know others. Ask them questions about themselves and show interest in them. Just like on the road, some of these short-term friendships may turn into long-term friendships, but if they don’t, it’s okay.
3. Test Run Shared Spaces
Are you accustomed to sharing a room with strangers? Can you handle it? If your home city has hostels, go ahead and buy a bed in one for a night to see what it’s like. If there are no local hostels, and it’s been awhile since you’ve had to share a room, invite some friends over for a sleepover (have them bring sleeping bags so you can all bunk out in the same room). Or take a weekend getaway with three friends and share a hotel room with them. It won’t completely duplicate the experience, since they’re not strangers, but you may learn more about your tolerance levels for group sleeping arrangements. If you find you don’t like sharing your sleeping space, you may need to increase your travel budget so you can afford a private room or travel for a shorter period of time. Even if you decide to tolerate hostel dorm life, figure out now where you will go for the alone time you need every day.
For Extroverts
1. Alone is Good
As long as you are not a shy extrovert, you will probably have an easier time making friends wherever you go, based on your outgoing nature. But whether or not you are shy, you will find yourself alone at times on the road. Lest your loneliness come across as neediness (a sure-fire magnet for predators), you must learn to embrace solitude. Practice spending time alone with just your thoughts–no other people around, and no external stimuli (no Internet,cell phone, TV or radio). See how long you can stand being alone. Keep practicing until you become comfortable.
2. Practice Makes Perfect
Start practicing doing things alone, like going for long walks, to events, or to the movies. Eating alone in public might be especially tough for you. If you can’t bring yourself to eat alone in a restaurant at home, what makes you think you’ll be able to do it on the road? Everything gets easier the more you do it, so practice, practice, practice until you can do it comfortably. Obviously, you don’t want to divert too much of your travel money to this exercise, so find cheap ways of practicing–go for coffee and dessert, go to a church potluck, or just go to a bar or coffee shop for a drink. Just go alone.
3. Dear Diary
If you don’t already, start writing in a journal every day. Write down not only what happened, but what you thought about it and how you felt about it. Did you learn anything from it? Not only will this solitary activity help prepare you to be alone with your own thoughts, it will become habitual so once you start your trip, you can record it for posterity. I know, you’d rather “live in the moment” when you’re on the road than write about it. But trust me, your memory will eventually start to fail you, and when that happens, you’ll be glad you recorded the details of your amazing journey. Re-reading it years from now will be fun.
So whether you are an introvert or an extrovert, it’s worth considering the psychological and emotional preparation for your RTW trip in addition to the logistical side of things. You can certainly wait until you are on the road to discover that you can’t bear to eat alone in a restaurant or can’t sleep in a hostel dormitory. But wouldn’t it be better to know these things beforehand so you can prepare yourself just as you would for high altitude hikes or preventing pickpockets from making off with your wallet?
About the Author
Gray Cargill is the author of SoloFriendly.com, a blog featuring advice and tips for solo travelers and reviews of solo-friendly destinations, lodging, and restaurants. She is also the author of VegasSolo.com, a guide to help solo travelers plan their Las Vegas vacation.
Popularity: 29% [?]
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
All excellent suggestions and it’s really great that you covered both sides, as most people only write about what will aid them in their issues regarding this matter.
I’m finding, as I prepare for our trip, that Im more of anextrovert than I’d thought. Perhaps it’s the exhaustion with the same people every day that’s turned me into an introvert here. Shrug.
Anyway, awesome!
@Joshy – I couldn’t agree more. Good hearing from you!
@Rebecca – Good points about street smarts and being able to make quick decisions. They’re not 100% necessary (especially not for all solo travel), but they do help.
wonderful post. As much as I love traveling with my wife, mother, brother, old friends and new…solo travel is true travel. No compromise, no third wheel, no nights spent coddling each other through awkward cultural transitions… no second opinions or group think…solo travel is the only way to go!
It was a good idea to breakdown tips for introverts and extroverts. Traveling solo takes a certain type of personality — one that is self-sufficient and independent. You won’t have your friends or family to bail you out if you get into a jam while you’re traveling solo. Having street smarts and making quick decisions are pluses for introverts and extroverts because you never know when you’ll be faced with a situation that requires some “fancy footwork.”
@Sabina @floreta @GRRRL Traveler – Thanks so much for your comments.
@Nancie – Good tips, thank you. Solo dining is an issue for a lot of people, I’ve found.
@Karen – Hi Karen! Actually, the blog is mine (Nomadic Chick). :) Gray is guest posting, and yes – she’s an experienced solo traveler & fab writer. Thanks for stopping in, come again! Michael is an interesting bloke with lots to say, so glad you found me through him. :)
Great article. I’ve been traveling alone (for both business and pleasure) since about 1980 (gulp, that sounds like a long time!). One of the things I had to overcome was my dislike of eating alone. Once I started consciously planning for meal times I had a much easier time. Now I always make a point of trying to make eye contact with diners that are close by, and hopefully that will bring about at least a short conversation. I also try to get some local information from the wait staff. To feel less self conscious I often read while I’m waiting for my meal.
Nice post Gray! I love how you cover extroverts and introverts. Definitely all helpful tips. I particularly like the Diary part– introverts naturally internalize things and for extroverts its a wonderful head-start of a tip!
I like how you’ve broken up travelers in respect to their perspectives as an introvert or extrovert. I am a big introvert, so preferring depth when it comes to friendships is natural for me. Traveling actually helps me move outside my comfort zones and make those single serving friends.. Realizing that all kinds of connections, be them in depth or not, can still be meaningful! It’s taught me a lot. And makes me a more well rounded person.
This is truly great advice, I think, Gray. The practice run for hostels could be especially helpful. And definitely I think you need to prepare psychologically and emotionally for any big life change or event, of which RTW travel really is one.
@Karen – I’m so glad you found it helpful. I hope you have a great trip!
@Ian – Try following the advice in bullet point #1 if you’re shy, whether you’re an introvert or extrovert. You can also go to a popular pub or look for big events with lots of people when you travel. That way, you get the energy of being around people, without necessarily having to be the one to initiate a conversation.
@Shawn – Loneliness is one of the big hurdles for solo travelers. That’s why it can be really important to reach out to others when you’re traveling. My other strategy is to keep very busy. As long as I’m busy, I don’t have time to be lonely.
@VagaBen – That’s good advice. Smaller hostels and B&Bs may lend themselves more to meeting people than large chain hotels.
@Laura – I think it’s okay to be afraid (it’s very human), just so long as we don’t let the fear stop us from trying it.
So glad to hear from so many people who have tried or are about to try solo travel! Awesome. :-)
I started travelling alone last year, and think that these points are excellent.
I am a total extrovert. I agree you need to learn to love being alone. By nature I thrive of being around people for hours on end, but, after travelling alone, I have started to value my own time and space more.
I think the most important thing is not to fear it. It seems scary, but the rewards are fantastic. I find I want to travel solo now.
I had my first solo trip this year, and it was actually harder then I thought it would be. Meeting people isn’t really a problem, but it requires some effort. You constantly have to put yourself out there and build up new social networks at every new stop.
Still it is a great way to meet new people, and you can kind of say that it’s the most social way to travel. Travelling solo will certainly let you discover new sides with yourself. Both good and bad.
If I should throw in a tip at the end; Stick to smaller hostels. There is a lot easier to meet people at a hostel with 30 people than at a hostel with 300, weird enough.
Oops. Sorry about the triple Stephanies. :-)
@Keith and @Lauren – Yeah, it’s easy to slip into the belief that all solo travelers are either introverts who are antisocial and don’t WANT to be around others, or extroverts who can easily make friends everywhere they go, so “of course” solo travel would be “easy” for them. But there really are challenges for both personality types when traveling alone.
@Stephanie – @Stephanie – @Stephanie – Me too! Traveling alone has really brought me out of my shell.
Well I would never travel long term any other way than solo. Short term would be OK with some I knew well, but long term, no way.
Really through, what matters is if the solo traveling is a lonely person or not. I have met some solo travelers that decided to go home because of loneliness.
I’m an introvert who pretends to be an extrovert- and I used to be a LOT shyer before i started traveling. Traveling solo forces me out of my comfort zone with the necessity to meet new people and make friends. It’s challenging and that’s part of why I like it.
But what of the shy extroverts?
Excellent post. I’ll be on my own for some extended bouts of solo travel and I found these tips helpful. I like how you cut across the spectrum as well, since extroverts also have solo travel challenges.
Great post. Nice to see solo travel broken down for different types of people. It’s definitely a challenge, but not the same challenge for everyone.
Hello Gray – THANK YOU for such an amazing list of advice and guidence. My friend Michael Hodson had you blog listed on FB and led me to you. I am planning on traveling solo within the next year and as an Extrovert the advice is terrific and will certainly come in handy while I prepare.
Cheers~KD
{ 2 trackbacks }