It isn’t often that I discuss porn and hotels in the same breath.

This time I couldn’t resist.

It’s no surprise I’ve partnered with HostelBookers, but was honestly not expecting such luxuries when I got to Puerto Princessa.

I was barred from visiting the Underground River, because Typhoon Washi hit the Philippines with 90 kmh winds, killing 436 in Mindanao. The usually packed caves were flooded and I was adrift.

After the sad news of that many deaths and stalled plans, solace had to be my best friend.

In the frenzy of moving around, I sipped from the cup of hotel porn, because dammit, I deserve a soft mattress and a steamy, hot shower once in a while.

Hostels can cause a woman to feel downright celibate. House of Rose threw open the floodgates, so to speak.

Ahh, the pool

I can testify: mattress was soft

The shower was hot and large – enough for 2 people (meow)

The pool table offered entertainment and then some

The charming bungalows and pool

After that intense affair, I didn’t think it could get any better. Once I arrived to El Nido, Lally and Abet’s Beach Cottages nibbled on my neck and seduced me. It was an attractive mix of everything I love about the ocean – salty, wet, zen and daydreams.

It was also Christmas, which was the honey to my mint tea.

The grounds and cottages – lovely lines

Christmas decorations comforted me

I had it ALL to myself

An actual sitting area – I was spoiled

The view in my backyard – El Nido

Dazzling Joyeux Noel

(Inhaling a cigarette.) Mmmm… yes, sorry. Where was I? (Rolls over in bed to face her audience.)

I feel satisfied. Was it good for you?