This article is part two of a seven part series on unplugging from the cubicle. Read the full introduction here.
Jump, it Won’t Hurt
“It’s okay Jeannie, just put one foot in front of the other.”
But I was helpless, my stubborn legs remained frozen. I cursed under my breath, angry at ignoring intuition. DO NOT CROSS A SUSPENSION BRIDGE WHEN DEATHLY AFRAID OF HEIGHTS. Screaming in my head was called for. My gut rattled with butterflies, while my hands gripped the ropes tightly. Visions of ropes unraveling danced in my head. Dead. Over. I. Could. Not. Move. The metallic taste of fear touched my tongue. It threatened to choke me. Is there a Heimlich maneuver for fear?
My supportive friend attempted to assist.
“Hon, people are waiting behind us.. just try not to look down and grip the ropes. You’ll be okay. I’m right behind you.”
I seethed, irritated with her for trying to pressure me forward when all I wanted to do was roll up in a ball and weep. My annoyance searched for a target, trying to recall who suggested this ridiculous hike. Me or her? Sweat trickled down the middle of my back, hanging underneath my breasts. Deep down, I knew she was right. We had to push on, a panicked hiker is no remedy for others in the que behind.
I did as she said, one foot in front of the other. Lord, every step was agony. Every imprint of my foot on the rickety boards caused my heartbeat to leap uncontrollably. When I finally made it to the other side, everything crumbled, I sunk onto a rock in a messy heap, certain every heaving breath was audible to nearby deer or a cluster of chickadees.
My friend flitted across in a ballerina’s step, barely touching the planks, athletic and light on her feet.
She sat down beside me. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”
Scorn swept my face. “You have no idea.”
Turn Back!
The Botox of the Post-Modern World
For over 13,000 years, civilizations have danced with fear. Whether adopted into deities with the power to shower pain should one disobey the natural order, or instituted into laws for the betterment of society, or used as pure entertainment during a Halloween film festival.
Truthfully, this nagging emotion surrounds us at every angle, dictating many of our decisions in life.
That time you wanted to scale a tree to mimic a monkey? You started to climb, but your foot slipped slightly, so you paused, waiting for branches to snap off and crush you. Even though the expected never came, you decided against it, climbing down onto stable ground. That was fear.
Remember when you were at a party, mingling like mad? In walks the cutest guy you’ve encountered in a long while. The urge to talk to him is ripe, but your mind plays out the scenarios. Married. Girlfriend. Not hetero. Even worse, he just won’t find you interesting. You turn away making every effort to ignore him all night. That was fear.
The most effective way fear overtakes us is that sense of paralysis. Akin to Medusa’s lethal stare, when something is unknown or daunting, we tend to remain inert, incapable of action, even if we desire change.
Insidious Little Bastard
How do we tackle fear? In relation to the cubicle, corporate propaganda lands squarely on our hot buttons. If I leave my job X, Y, or Z might happen.
- Won’t be able to make mortgage payments = poverty, homelessness.
- Quit my job and try something new = failure.
- Accepting a lower salary = cut back enjoyable pastimes: shopping, dining out, cultural events.
- Doing what I love instead of what pays the bills = hyperventilating sessions with bouts of extreme alcohol consumption.
Insurmountable hurdles right? Here’s what incenses me about corporate careers, why are they generally suggested as the only option to achieve goals? Enjoy our lives fully? I say nay – there are always options, the problem is finding them. Thus, when new options are presented, we seek a cave to hide in. Because “new” represents scary.
Fear in a Needle
Breaking it Down
Here comes the technical portion of the article. A psychologist name Daniel Siegel, M.D. penned a fantastic book called Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation.
Daniel implements a method called “wheel of awareness” in counseling sessions. A visual indicator is the wheel, for our minds have layers that can be identified. Each layer represents a synaptic path. Actions, or in this case, reactions are fueled by synapses, which stimulate neurotransmitters, in turn stimulating our impulses. This exercise helps ascertain a central station of awareness from the outer rim, displaying all the things that we can be cognizant of.
In lay person’s terms, how to best handle fear is observe its machinations.
Breath – similar to meditation, a session would begin with the patient concentrating on breath to build openness.
Five Senses – called the “rim review”, the five senses that gather information from the outside world is explored: hearing, sight, sound, taste, and touch.
Sixth Sense (Internal) – sidling over to an allegorical spoke, the sixth sense are those internal reactions to fear: accelerated breath, pounding heart, aching stomach. Returning to the breath is significant here, as the patient can calmly notice how our neurons map patterns.
Seventh Sense (Thoughts) - this inner rim imparts our thoughts, feelings, intentions, memories, beliefs, hopes, and dreams. Analyzing this aids in identifying major differences. We are more than mere thoughts, any past occurrences are not the here or now, and a feeling is not stone cold fact.
Ah, what does this all symbolize?
In short, distinguishing the hub from the rim sharpens our awareness, more importantly observational skills and objectivity. We can detect when fear is coming; however, it doesn’t mean we have to be devoured by it. Stimulus from the outside world elicits a reaction (fear), but remember that the stimulus and reaction are not necessarily tied to reality.
Fear Rocks
Nobody wants to hear this, but fear is not entirely negative. If we embrace our vulnerabilities instead of running away from them, the mind and spirit does cycle forward. Just as I did through that grueling hike. What seemed torturous, actually pushed me further and made me stronger. Contemplating those first steps to leave the cubicle, means you are about to embark on something transformative.
Mustaine and Fear? A Gig Worth Seeing
Get to the Practicalities Already
- 90% of what you fear will happen, usually doesn’t.
- Fear won’t hurt you, but inaction and stagnation will.
- Don’t run from it; face your demons. Once you do, nothing will be unmanageable.
- If you’re the practical type, run the worst or best case scenario. Be real, because I know the worst isn’t even close to fatal.
If we can conjure world explorers of old, it might aid us to know that every decision to dock a vessel at undiscovered lands probably had an element of fear involved. And you know what else? Excitement. It’s not by accident that both intermingle constantly. Anything worth doing will frighten, and send you over the moon at the same time. Just ask Columbus.
Source: How to Use Mindsight to Work with Fear
Photos: Axel Hecht and Bog King under Creative Commons.
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
@Catia – Awwh, thanks! Hope your friend finds it useful. :)
I love this post, my heart actually started speeding up feeling your fear crossing that rope bridge!
That heart-racing, knee-wobbling, mind-numbing fear almost made me not take my current rtw trip, I fought through it (rather ungracefully but that’s part of the process sometimes) and it’s been the best experience of my life.
I know someone that’s at a crossroads in her life right now, I’m going to send her this link, thanks for writing it!